i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
