this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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