return my video game
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
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Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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