You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
