He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
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Let's have sex in an apple orchard
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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