Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
