SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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