News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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