Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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