Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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