Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
