Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
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