I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
