walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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