I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
