You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
