My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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