May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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