despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
