11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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