Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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