So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
