it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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