1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
