Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
