Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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