Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
