The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
