I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Randomize
