the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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