I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize