Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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