Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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