I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
