somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
