Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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