The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
