ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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