He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Randomize
