my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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