Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
