there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
