1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
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It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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