When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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