Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
