My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
