from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
