Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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