just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
