The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
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My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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