dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Even my vagina gasped.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Randomize
