do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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