I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize