I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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