Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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