I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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