New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
