Just cropdusted the office
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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