Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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