New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
