Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
