can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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