dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
